(w)hole of blessing
April 6
Called and was informed that we would get 25% salary cut for 3 months.
My response was super grateful as I thought I was gonna get cut from the office for good.
April 10
Asked by Client A to work on something. Also realised that I still have bill to charge to her. The pay is actually not that big, but I realised this is somehow a God's signal that He is in control and consoling my dim of financial anxiety.
April 15
Edited Sunday School service. There was one scene of short drama played by the teachers. One looked very weak and hungry. His friend apparently was waiting for his food order to come. 5 sec later, food arrived, he somehow ordered 2 portions so he shared one with his hungry friend.
My response was skeptical. How the universe can be so good and coincides everything within 5 secs? But well, this is for kids, so dreamy exaggeration is no biggie.
April 17
Called again by the boss, salary cut is now 30% for 6 months.
Surprised but not so. Considering how loss the company is having right now and we still have job to work and salary to receive is beyond blessing. I am truly in no position to complain.
April 19
Did monthly expense record. I was pretty chill to all the salary cut and another side-job suspension as I know God is a provider, He will take care of my needs and bank account balance. But still I calculated my compromised income versus current reduced WFH expenses (no parking, no gas, no shopping, no where to hang out), I can keep my cool.
April 25
Client B asked to do some work, but I was hesitant to do it as I don't think I can do it well. So with 30% effort, I sent her the most unappetizing proposal ever in the world. Considering the cut I have and difficult economy time we are in now, yet I was so choosy in taking work to do, was such ungrateful of me.
April 26
Client B came back and asked for alternatives which was surprised me as she still came back to me after that ugly work. So I know this is somehow God sent for me to patch my financial holes. I took the job and work wholeheartedly.
April 27
A friend asked me if I wanna do a social media work, which I would reject in normal time. The pay is half from my regular monthly freelancing that got suspended. That Sunday School story that I silently mocked came back in my mind and mocked me back. I was in awe of how God provides just in time even before I'm getting into panic mode.
Also in the Sunday School service earlier, they talked about Sarfat widow who obeyed and fed Elijah though her oil and flour was only enough for one last meal. There's one line that really resonates, "Oil and flour of the widow was enough to feed three of them until the next rain comes. Three of them not only two."
This social media work is beyond to help me survive, it's also to forcefully upgrade my skill as I have been always to explore social media but too lazy and reluctant. So now, leaving me no choice, I got to do it even though I am not fully feeling it.
Throughout my life I have been receiving a lot of God's grace and goodness, nevertheless every time He shows His mercy, it's always in creative and different way that amazes me. I was very skeptical over the Sunday School short drama, that's how God grants His blessing over me - fast delivery, on point. It's not only to provide me in difficult time, it also invests in me for greater time ahead.
Forget from whom I hear this, but it is said that if we picture blessing as water, we never have to worry about the water tap. The tap is only a channel to flow, where we have to put our concern is on the main source of where the water is coming from. One tap can be broken or jammed, but we can get the water from another tap or sources. We don't have to worry about the blessing or where the blessing will come from, but see beyond to cling on to the ultimate Source of All.
I learned big time, when we just see a hole, God has actually prepared resources for us to patch. This two months perhaps is the most difficult time humanity has ever seen, yet creativity, humanity actions and initiatives are blasting throughout the world. Quotes, encouraging messages, compassion never flow this much before. There are many holes ripped wide open and bleeding, but also we are fully loaded with wisdom and strength more than usual. Celebrating hardship might be an oxymoron expression, but how we are able to glorify in challenges is the way to another spiritual maturity.