Semacam sakit cinta.

Sometime about 90 days ago, I wouldn't know that this would be such a luxury to the world we live in today.

Cramping in the middle of the strangers, splashing drops everywhere as you sing so loudly and passionately are now considered massacre acts.

I blamed 2 March of me that wasted the last day of Java Jazz tix, it was a free tix given by my super cool vendor for a "souvenir". My friend failed to persuade me to go. My reason was I'm too old to stay out til midnight 2 nights in a row, more so when the next day is Monday. I would be a Zombie. So that Sunday, I turned in at 8 PM.

I watched a glimpse of the event on Instagram story and had a bit of regret. But I was so sure, the morning Monday Cindy will be proud of herself for keeping such priority. Sleep over concert.

Little did the early March of me knew, we were on a countdown days of freedom. Java Jazz was the last concert happened on March. The next day, Monday, 3rd March, first case of virus broke in Jakarta. The next 7 days exactly from Java Jazz, a concert in the same venue was cancelled. Then, 14 days after, church congregation goes online. In a blink, now I'm writing this at the 11th week of online service.

So many ways people are coping with this limited movement. Some post throwback travel pictures, some spend time in the kitchen, some stuck their ass on Netflix. I never see this coming, but I spend so much time on music. Unbelievable, I sing and post it online, I'm not also sure what I was thinking, but I just know I'm having so much fun time laughing at my pitchy voice. I don't binge-watch drama or series as I have my own drama enough already. I watched lots of ukulele, piano tutorial, music online-live performances, and past concerts which bring me to this strong sense of longing of live performances and deep regret of me wasting that last day of Java Jazz.

If I ever sensed that we would be locked for several months ahead, I would be more than glad to stay awake and be a working Zombie even for a week. I have some tiny teary moments now every time I watch those concerts in Youtube. Perhaps if I ever went to that last day, I would feel proud of using the last chance of concert instead of regret?

I don't usually dwell in regret. I also want to end this post with more positive and hopeful message but I have no idea.