A Dozen of Life 101
Written on February 2022 as the reflection from 2021 (which is late) and turning to 30 yo (which is early).
1) Be a good companion to yourself and you will never be lonely (Sophie Cousens)
Never have I felt so good about myself.
A genuine and sincere feeling of contentment with being single, not a made-up one for the sake of 'so someone will come if I have that completeness in my heart'.
Second thought, probably thanks to the pandemic, I now feel people are tiresome, so who's a better companion than myself? I'm definitely my bestfriend!
Someone judged me that I was listening only for responding and not hearing.
Younger me would fall into a cycle of offended > defensive > acceptance > sad > hurt > feeling worthless and let down.
The now me has apologized for making her feel so, perhaps with a tint of defensiveness, I explained my point to her and let it go.
After all,
we can't control what others feel about us.
3) Life is an endless work in progress.
One of highlight lessons learned this year: Growth Mindset
I used to beat myself up for mistakes, errors and drawbacks people pointed at me when I have worked so hard. It's not their fault. Human brain has negativity bias that we focus much on bad than good.
The super app isn't developed and free of bugs and errors in a week. Human is not and will never be perfect. What we can do is just to accept our flaws and work on that never ending progress - growth.
4) When questioning passion, look for things you have devoted to for years.
Never considered myself as a consistent long lover, I found myself has been consistently doing art-related/production stuff since high school (cringy photo deco, yearbook) and then uni (magz, random bday video, editing lectures).
Passed 10k hours in doing those things, I don't dare to declare myself as an expert. To see how cringy stuff I did only for fun have grown to something that pays the bill is the sense of achievement and pride.
5) "I'm not good at it" is not the reason/excuse/justification to stop.
I was (sometimes, am) a quitter. I quit music lessons because my teacher said my fingers were stiff. Playing by ears or memories is out of my reach. If the piano were small and light, I would have sold it and never played it anymore because why do we keep things we don't good at?
After a decade on and off, somehow I got better at it and realised..
You don't do something because you're good at it.
You do something then you'll be good at it.
6) Never invest in someone based on how much you like them, but based on how much they invest in you.
A relationship is logic and analytical. Relying on emotion per se leads the path to doomsday.
7) Reading and writing save soul
In some way, I often feel lonely as my thoughts only hang on my mind. Reading, then, is mind traveling. I find my thoughts are not so abstract and alone. They are validated through those pages of words and stories.
Through writing, my intricate mind is untangled and finds its shed of light. If not by writing, perhaps anti-depressant would be my daily intake.
8) The pure joy of life doesn't have a price tag.
It's not a glass wardrobe full of Hermes, a Pinterest kind of house, or even a full stamped Passport.
- It's a compatible relationship, which ones are safe to speak their mind filterless.
- Family members dining together warmly share the most unimportant and boring updates.
- Being on the flow: working on something that fires your passion and interest. It doesn't have to generate $$, praise, or fame. You just do it because it fills your soul.
9) Know your (soft) spots
You are sick. A bowl of <<fill here your comfort food, probably the ever-cliché one-your mom's chicken soup) flows through your throat and stomach, you feel so much better nonmedically.
Soft spots are that soup, the instant cure that effectively lifts you up whenever life complicates.
Not necessarily comfort food; the favorite playlist on Spotify, night run, pillow talk with your loved ones, Friday sushi night with the ladies to rant about your work, you name it, preferably it brings no price tag (see #8)
10) You might not always fit in other's shoes, let it be let it go
I used to feel conflicted when others' thinking clashed with what I believed in. I debated an atheist with all my might about faith.
Learned the hard way that the effort was vain and only hijacked my blood pressure. So now, I simply nod and smile. Neither bother nor judge. No one has valid certifications for having politically technically practically correct life; let each of us do our/their ways.
11) Tragedy today, comedy tomorrow
In 2019, when checking in to India flight, my friend's visa was rejected.
The culprit: my advance clumsiness - mistyping her passport number on the application. After a series of panic and self-blaming, we accepted our fate to be stranded in Malaysia (where we transited) for two days while waiting for another visa to come in. A rather long (tragic) story where my credibility as a traveler was shamefully questioned.
Fast forward years after (even on the night of the tragedy), thanks to a very positive friend, we were laughing our ass off. Wondering how such overlook happened, the mystic of India - were we undestined to visit(?), and memories of how the trip turned out to be one of the bests.
The 'expensive' lesson (2 new tix and 1 instant visa) taught me for life, to not stress over tragedies and misfortunes. The pain and sadness measure relatively to time.
12) Be kind, treat ALL people with respect
The human heart works in sympathetic resonance. It vibrates the same frequency and calls the shared purpose. A kind soul invites the same kind.
Kindness and sincerity always payback in a mysterious way. Your colleague might not reflect the same respect you pay them, but it's a smooth sailing process for you to get that hard-earned limited American visa. The compassion you give to a random stranger might return to you from your friends or an unexpected increase in your paycheck. The universe favors you and your kindness.
This point is the last, not because it's the least. But because it's the only -most important - one thing everyone should know, remember, and act:
Be kind, treat ALL people with respect.