The Cliche & Conflicted Christianity

At times, Christianity can be the most complex thing in the world that sparks hourly debate and yearly dispute. Yet it also can be the most no-brainer thing that a Sunday Schooler can comprehend. 

Was Sunday School Bible Quiz champion; had 12 credits of Theology scored A in Uni; have been faithfully serving from high school to uni years til now; Contemporary Christian Music was ranked as my top three genres by Spotify; doesn't mean my faith and attitude towards it are flawless. I often cringe, question, raise my right brow and take some parts of the Christianity for granted.

If I need to rank my Christianity, then perhaps I am the rebel between the most devoted and spiritual one. As in, I don't belong to the total rebel and ignorant group, but I might not also fit in the holy gentle devotees. Metaphorically, I might be the stupidest kid among the geniuses in Harvard School - not so bad, right.

Self-claimed realistic and logical, it's a tendency for me to challenge ideas. Of course, logic and religion doesn't always go hand in hand even in the most basic principle. There - The Cliche & Conflicted Christianity..

1) "Just Pray."

The first thing that you will be asked to do once you decide to be a believer.

This is also the first thing that most people will likely give you as the answer after 2 hours of sharing your problems - "Just pray," they will console.

Frankly, I used to think that 2 words of advice is somewhat effortless and lazy. How wouldn't I know that I gotta pray in first place? I expect more practical solutions that a shrink will give.

But my Uni pastor taught us that prayer will not change the situation; instead it changes one's heart.

Prayer might not banish the virus the next day, it will still spread and kill. What changes during the cry out loud worship session words spoken-and-not is your heart - perspective, mind, strength; all things you can't see but feel.

When you pray, God molds the heart to make peace with the outcome that may or may not please you. You may say, why don't just God creates a favorable outcome for us so we have peace then? There is something about God's sovereignty that is a restricted zone your prayer can't touch.

That being said, even your expected result might not please and give you peace, because we, human, overlook, miscalculate, and clueless of the bigger life. Another scheme of Christianity, you receive more than you deserve, prayer gives greater than what we think as a good outcome, it gives peace despite the outcome.

2) "God is good."

The first lesson in Sunday School. Also, what most of Christian songs are about.

We never say He is bad, but is he always good? Why we are on lost-count days of lockdown now, daily workers are worried about what to eat tomorrow, people lost jobs.

There is a phase in every Christian life we call - emptiness. It's not that we turn into total non-believer. We are just in spiritual distancing. We don't feel God, how he works and plans. Maybe we are bitter about what is going on and cannot feel Him anymore.

It is like the hollow in the heart as what a marriage couple defines as "We just don't feel the love anymore, date nights are not just as exciting as it used to be. No more sparks. I don't get him anymore."

Do they still love each other? Most likely. Do they wanna break up? Maybe not.

One of resorts is "Let's just take a break / let's have some distance."

Will it help? Maybe. Will it break them apart? Maybe.

If a romantic movie or drama ever taught me something, it is the significance of efforts to make relationship works. Remember the movie Marriage Story - the couple lost each other when they stopped to talk and work on things together by letting the lawyers do the talking and everything. The last scene of Marriage Story, husband reads how wife loved him and reminisced the love they ever had and we regret why they just didn't do this earlier.

There's a thin line between hollow and hallow. Get rid of the hollow by saying "hallo" to your God (clue: read no. 1).

No matter how many worship songs I have sung, the three online services I always login every Sunday, anxiety attacks me several times during this time. That Good Friday which I took for granted, I joined to this church IG live and it played Goodness of God song that I never heard before. From the first line, it touched me in some way and the chorus hit bullseye.

All my life You have been faithful

All my life You have been so, so good

With every breath that I am able

I will sing of the goodness of God

I cried and repented.

3) Have a Little Faith 

The last resort of unrevealed question and unanswered prayer.

I had discussed about Christianity several times with non-believers. On occasion, the discussion turned into debate, I wholeheartedly would defend and persuade my faith. The last word of the sentence was where I missed the whole point in the endless discussion/debate. Faith.

Bible warns faith is the substance of things. Thing can't exist without substance. One cannot believe without faith. Everything will never make sense to them.

A Sunday School kid triumphs this way more than a Theology graduate. Kids are humble. Kids are brave to believe and have faith. Adults are so proud to think they can make sense all stuffs hence struggle for reason, justification, and explanation.

Faith should precede and succeed and last.
One needs faith to pray, yet one can't have faith without praying.
Faith assures that God is good, yet God is good that He favors one faithfulness.

The scenario would be like this, you share your problematic life-threatening issue to a Christian.

We will have this sentence inserted somewhere in our response,

"Just pray. Believe God is good. All things work together for good. Keep your faith. God will make everything beautiful in its time."

Beautiful? Somewhat. Powerful? Could be. Helpful? Hmm.. hopefully.

As a ruthless skeptic that have been a (somewhat devoted) Christian for almost 25+ years, I admit Christianity can be as cliche as it can be. In the same way, it's testified and proven foolproof once you open and submerge your whole.