A baby ramble

I have been having creative blocks for this several week. It's hard to squeeze out new ideas. For old ideas, it's also difficult to put them out into action. It's stuck when I try to make turn on them. So below writings might feel very weird, shallow, and childish. 

So I think, a baby is like a luxury branded handbag that I never want. It looks nice to have, but I don't want to have it, because I dont feel the worth of paying such $$$ for only a handbag. I also don't think branded bag will fit and be friendly with my other stuffs that are not branded nor lux. 

The more I see cute babies on IG, whether it's from an influencer posts her very cute adorable boys in a creative way, or my friends that seems so happy and fulfilled with her baby, the more I feel and think then decide, baby is not for me. 

"Of course, baby idea hasn't came to your mind, you aren't married yet, even more you don't have boyfriend. Ever," some might argue. 

Well, I don't feel the urge or "inspired" the way I do when I look into some creative artworks or video. I don't have the skill or needs to create those kind of artworks, but my blood boils, I get excited. I scrutinize slowly every elements of those works that I like. I think to myself, when I can be so skillful to create the same moving works. 

With baby, no matter how happy and cute and adorable and how life seems 100x beautiful with their presence, I just don't get called. Maybe that's the key. I don't have calling to be a mom. 

Considering myself as a difficult kid that is very articulate and critical, I don't think I can handle mini me. I also don't want to get karma to get the same of treatment like what I give to my mom. 

Perhaps I'm just too westernised. Or simply, the time is just not there yet. 

Yea, anyway, anyhow, for now, I would like to spend on myself rather than baby's vaccination or kids' tuition. At least for 3-5 years ahead.