The Heartbroken Rabbit Hole
Considering how many times I have been on this, it's surprising that I never really put this 7-stages of heartbreak down on writings. Perhaps because I never let the crying baby feeling-self linger too long, the mean stepsister, logic-self usually will pack her stuffs if she stays more than a week or so and kick her out of the house straight away.
Well also, dating apps also played a role, for rebound.
1) Denial
Reading my favorite writer's Finding Chika makes me realize people are so in desperate of hope to cling tightly self-serving forecast of light at then end of tunnel.When the chance is below 20% then don't waste on resources, abort the mission. I was so exasperated to read how they kept fighting for the illness despite the kid's struggle. Holding onto hope is a guilty pleasure, it hurts but we know it will hurt more to simply become hope-less
Searching for possibilities, justifying, framing what seems favorable signs for you as a last string of hope, where actually as Oprah's guest, that I forget the name, says, when people shows you who they are, believe them because they really are.
Relationship is hard, that's why it takes two to tango, not one to chase pavements. When there's no commitment from both to figure things out, it's a lost cause, abort the mission!
Keynote: self-deception.
___
Side note, I also just lost a 300k investment on peer to peer fintech lending, which was forgotten for a while, but actually can resonate with broken heart, because you know your heart is where your money is. So let's continue with this context.
2) Anger
Which is pretty much understandable since you are an investor that put most of your money on this stock. When it crushes down to the plummet. Either you go mad or go depressed, but yes the intention to murder the your hedge fund manager is actually humane, how he lends false hope and promises profits when actually it will leaves us broke(n).
Keynote: self-serving.
3) Sadness
Then another thought come, perhaps I am the one who is fool to believe the fund manager in first place though I always feel he's fishy. The more anger piled up on previous stage, the more sadness we gonna feel in this stage. We realise that ourselves are the real scammers. We were voluntarily completed the thesis of why we should believe this is a promising investment where somehow on the corner of intuition department, we had smelled something about the fund manager that is not right.
We are losing our confidence for future investment since we have overlooked this one. What is worse than losing confidence to our sense of self? Perhaps I have been wrong in appraising my self-worth all the way?
Keynote: self-blaming.
4) Jealousy and competitiveness
Just when we haven't collected back our scattered sense of self, your friend sent a message of how this stock program she's in are bringing unbelievable profits.
In more depressed confession, the crush - sorry, EX-CRUSH, posted a content that is unlikely of him! So we smelled something was going on. Who is this person that successfully got him where we embarrassingly failed. We begin again with another thesis titled Analysis of Object 281 through social media, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook.
Complete and thorough SWOT which makes her CV become a children storybook. There are two prognosis:
a) Superiority - look, basic grammar mistake on her Instagram caption, duh*.
b) Inferiority - goodness, her average post likes is 3/4 of her followers, she must be loved**.
If we felt a), then it was shame of us, we cant even top her with our self-acclaimed quality?
If we felt b), then well, perhaps, indeed, we are not worth of love.
With half-full (or less) tank of self-esteem, at the end of the day, pain of defeat of losing from this Object 281 creeps in. No matter who she is, who we are, she has it and we don't.
Keynote: self-deprecating. #911.
*Have I warned you that girl in jealousy is the meanest, and simply the worst?
** Also can be even more analytical and meticulous than a well-trained FBI.
5) Depressed
Vomiting depression after series of emotional roller coaster is just another bump in the hole. We have a glass of past happy nostalgia for breakfast, a plate of deep comparing analysis of Object 281's traits versus ourselves for lunch, and finally complete meal of what-ifs for dinner.
We will get sick and sicker at times.
Keynote: Self-resentment.
6) Acceptance
No solid timeline when we gonna reach this stage, also no valid guarantee that we wouldn't slip back to precedent stage from this point. This stage is definitely not a overnight success in shape of tangible trophy as validation storm has passed. Perhaps we wouldn't even realize that we have actually unknowingly arrived on this stage because pain, regret, resentment might still linger at the hidden room in our heart.
It's lighter to hold our head up, false hope is no longer as disruptive as before, Object 281's Instagram account no longer listed on our frequent search. The dots are now more visible and connectable, we are able to find silver lining behind all the things that have happened. We finally can smell peace.
However, no exact prescription and formula, each one's acceptance requirements are different. Rebounds, infuse of self-esteem, new hobbies, path of spiritual discovery, self-actualization - there's an absence in proven methodology and proper order.
They say time heals, really? 20-30 years of dispute between father-son is perhaps still existed somewhere in the world, hundred years of war is still going on. No one knows, no one is capable to contain one's feelings and emotion.
Keynote: Self-healing.
7) Hope
Apparently, it's going to end on where it was started. We were on this pit because of hope - or false hope - so the way to go back and see the light is to follow trail of hope. Since we have a very limited idea to reach stage 6, then sorry to say maybe for some this stage will never come. Some might live in despair, hopelessness, on an endless road trip from state 1 around to state 6. We were hurt by hope, so to believe and take a grip back on hope is scary, no?
This is the point where swiping on dating apps is energy depleting, far from exciting. Scepti perhaps ourselves are bound to be the gorgeous beautiful artwork displayed in the museum, admired but owned by none.
Gosh, what a dark paragraph written by still-half-tank self-esteem individual.
Keynote: Self-sufficiency.
___
Well ok, gotta go to check my Bumble notifications.
Well also, dating apps also played a role, for rebound.
1) Denial
Reading my favorite writer's Finding Chika makes me realize people are so in desperate of hope to cling tightly self-serving forecast of light at then end of tunnel.When the chance is below 20% then don't waste on resources, abort the mission. I was so exasperated to read how they kept fighting for the illness despite the kid's struggle. Holding onto hope is a guilty pleasure, it hurts but we know it will hurt more to simply become hope-less
Searching for possibilities, justifying, framing what seems favorable signs for you as a last string of hope, where actually as Oprah's guest, that I forget the name, says, when people shows you who they are, believe them because they really are.
Relationship is hard, that's why it takes two to tango, not one to chase pavements. When there's no commitment from both to figure things out, it's a lost cause, abort the mission!
Keynote: self-deception.
___
Side note, I also just lost a 300k investment on peer to peer fintech lending, which was forgotten for a while, but actually can resonate with broken heart, because you know your heart is where your money is. So let's continue with this context.
2) Anger
Which is pretty much understandable since you are an investor that put most of your money on this stock. When it crushes down to the plummet. Either you go mad or go depressed, but yes the intention to murder the your hedge fund manager is actually humane, how he lends false hope and promises profits when actually it will leaves us broke(n).
Keynote: self-serving.
3) Sadness
Then another thought come, perhaps I am the one who is fool to believe the fund manager in first place though I always feel he's fishy. The more anger piled up on previous stage, the more sadness we gonna feel in this stage. We realise that ourselves are the real scammers. We were voluntarily completed the thesis of why we should believe this is a promising investment where somehow on the corner of intuition department, we had smelled something about the fund manager that is not right.
We are losing our confidence for future investment since we have overlooked this one. What is worse than losing confidence to our sense of self? Perhaps I have been wrong in appraising my self-worth all the way?
Keynote: self-blaming.
4) Jealousy and competitiveness
Just when we haven't collected back our scattered sense of self, your friend sent a message of how this stock program she's in are bringing unbelievable profits.
In more depressed confession, the crush - sorry, EX-CRUSH, posted a content that is unlikely of him! So we smelled something was going on. Who is this person that successfully got him where we embarrassingly failed. We begin again with another thesis titled Analysis of Object 281 through social media, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook.
Complete and thorough SWOT which makes her CV become a children storybook. There are two prognosis:
a) Superiority - look, basic grammar mistake on her Instagram caption, duh*.
b) Inferiority - goodness, her average post likes is 3/4 of her followers, she must be loved**.
If we felt a), then it was shame of us, we cant even top her with our self-acclaimed quality?
If we felt b), then well, perhaps, indeed, we are not worth of love.
With half-full (or less) tank of self-esteem, at the end of the day, pain of defeat of losing from this Object 281 creeps in. No matter who she is, who we are, she has it and we don't.
Keynote: self-deprecating. #911.
*Have I warned you that girl in jealousy is the meanest, and simply the worst?
** Also can be even more analytical and meticulous than a well-trained FBI.
5) Depressed
Vomiting depression after series of emotional roller coaster is just another bump in the hole. We have a glass of past happy nostalgia for breakfast, a plate of deep comparing analysis of Object 281's traits versus ourselves for lunch, and finally complete meal of what-ifs for dinner.
We will get sick and sicker at times.
Keynote: Self-resentment.
6) Acceptance
No solid timeline when we gonna reach this stage, also no valid guarantee that we wouldn't slip back to precedent stage from this point. This stage is definitely not a overnight success in shape of tangible trophy as validation storm has passed. Perhaps we wouldn't even realize that we have actually unknowingly arrived on this stage because pain, regret, resentment might still linger at the hidden room in our heart.
It's lighter to hold our head up, false hope is no longer as disruptive as before, Object 281's Instagram account no longer listed on our frequent search. The dots are now more visible and connectable, we are able to find silver lining behind all the things that have happened. We finally can smell peace.
However, no exact prescription and formula, each one's acceptance requirements are different. Rebounds, infuse of self-esteem, new hobbies, path of spiritual discovery, self-actualization - there's an absence in proven methodology and proper order.
They say time heals, really? 20-30 years of dispute between father-son is perhaps still existed somewhere in the world, hundred years of war is still going on. No one knows, no one is capable to contain one's feelings and emotion.
Keynote: Self-healing.
7) Hope
Apparently, it's going to end on where it was started. We were on this pit because of hope - or false hope - so the way to go back and see the light is to follow trail of hope. Since we have a very limited idea to reach stage 6, then sorry to say maybe for some this stage will never come. Some might live in despair, hopelessness, on an endless road trip from state 1 around to state 6. We were hurt by hope, so to believe and take a grip back on hope is scary, no?
This is the point where swiping on dating apps is energy depleting, far from exciting. Scepti perhaps ourselves are bound to be the gorgeous beautiful artwork displayed in the museum, admired but owned by none.
Gosh, what a dark paragraph written by still-half-tank self-esteem individual.
Keynote: Self-sufficiency.
___
Well ok, gotta go to check my Bumble notifications.