Sovereignty
Though this life case has passed for a year now, it is quite a life turning point for me and might be a reminder and buoy for future.
Early 2017, I was bugged so much about my life and achievement. As someone who dreams about working in a high tall exclusive office building, wearing sophisticated fashionable business attire, my condition back then was far off acceptable. I didn't have office, my work desk was my mom's work desk, or corner of sofa where the charging port is. I wore home shortpants and old shirt because it's hot and no AC turned on during the day in my home. My paycheck was split between 2-3 business my boss owned. Well, though the number itself was quite pleasing, and I got to go on business trip every few months, I just didnt feel that satisfaction in my job and totally desperate.
I kept wondering what went wrong with my job application. My resume was professional, and GPA was unquestionable. Why did it feel like there was some stink on my resume that hinder HR to call me? I also went to some interviews, everything seemed okay, I answered question in confidence and articulate. But there were never call back. Perhaps I just sound too much excited and aggressive? One interviewer actually asked my straight-forward attitude.
Then, I went to this one airline company. Going through a series of test - simple math tests, writing copy and customer feedback letter, group discussion - just made me want that job more. I mean those tests were glimpse of what that job's about, and I like it! Passed thorough two phases and third phase was interview and Photoshop test. I thought everything ran smoothly. Then the news came in and broke my heart and soul.
That was April or May, I can say I hate my job. Waking up in the morning - 8am which is not that early - was a torture since I didnt feel like doing worthy things for the day. I didn't feel productive or my works were good enough though my boss seemed had no problem with it. I felt wasted. So when this particular one job that I like rejected me, I was badly crushed and felt like I was useless, no competent and failure..
On the same time with that airline application, I also went for interview in hotel company job. Interview went ok, mid challenging with list of unusual question the manager gave me. But generally I felt like that job was too big for me and I was not someone they looking for. So I didn't really give much thought and there was no call back anyways.
Months passed, there were still no luck with job. There was even a time where I was crying to my friend while driving in traffic because I was super stress with work I was doing. While my other friends seem like having great time with their jobs and life, I was there on the lowest time in my life, ever.
It was July, I was called for final interview in hotel company with the user this time. As usual, I felt everything went well. But I just learned to lower my expectation to not get hurt. I reread the job description - Personal Assistant to Senior Vice President - Marketing and Communication. After long wait and everything, I started to like this possible job. Every words on that job title just reflects me. I love doing someone's assistant, I was doing somewhat marketing in my then-job, and communication is just my thing. Though it seems to be like a very big job, I believe I can cope with it.
I prayed so hard, cried, begged and asked God to just give me this one, to give me light in the darkness of my life. Life just felt so tiring when I didnt have anything to grip on. In my case, it's work as I usually take pride in the things I do - school and uni. But that time, I lost control, I had nothing that I can proud of. I was ashamed and hesitant every time people ask me what I was doing. Life was totally a mess.
In my desperation prayer, it was revealed that I must lose my pride and myself in order to heal. My desperation was coming from my pride to always take control and marvel so I have something to win over other people and define myself to others - I was cumlaude, I was top three in class, etc. God wants me to lean on Him instead and take pride of His Greatness and blessings in my life instead of my accomplishment. It was very very clear that time, only if I learn to low down my head, release everything unto His hand, I will be able to have a life back.
So I started to kill my ego. I learned career is not the only thing that bring me to self-actualization point. There are still so many things in elements of happy and successful life. I look thoroughly in my life: family, friends, skills, community, anything that I have on hands at the moment. I, indeed, have a life. I, indeed, could be happy - Christ is enough to make a life, a blissful life.
Weeks after weeks and no news from that hotel company. There's voice telling me to not give up and leave one spot for hope. So I just prayed for the thing I deserve. One day, in busway, email of me accepted in that company came in. That job turns out to be the job I have today which I really love to do and am blessed to have. What came up as my desperation - office building, colleagues, work, productivity, contribution, self-development, work interest, anything related to work and I wished I had as my job - was resolved and given to me, just - like - that. I know tears to God will never be wasted.
This is one life case that I will always hold deeply in my heart. That year, 2017, my quarter life year and crisis really hit me down. It's also a turning point that I will never regret or ashamed of. It shaped me to be who I am today, cherish things I have today and really put God in the utmost place in my life that should never be replaced or substituted by anything. It taught me to hold hope and faith that God's process is beyond our understanding. It revealed if you want things so badly, God will help you to reach it.
In hindsight, I know I was pretty lame and weak. Other people might have quarter life desperation for a whole year or years. But that time, it was few month, 8 months top for me, and I felt like my world was crumbling down. Sometimes I even wished I would not get up in the morning and just go straight to heaven without worrying about job and life, lame I know
Perhaps this is the reason why I dont have the thing that I wish I had right now. Because the desperation might be worse over the things that I have them wrong rather than the thing I don't have.
Early 2017, I was bugged so much about my life and achievement. As someone who dreams about working in a high tall exclusive office building, wearing sophisticated fashionable business attire, my condition back then was far off acceptable. I didn't have office, my work desk was my mom's work desk, or corner of sofa where the charging port is. I wore home shortpants and old shirt because it's hot and no AC turned on during the day in my home. My paycheck was split between 2-3 business my boss owned. Well, though the number itself was quite pleasing, and I got to go on business trip every few months, I just didnt feel that satisfaction in my job and totally desperate.
I kept wondering what went wrong with my job application. My resume was professional, and GPA was unquestionable. Why did it feel like there was some stink on my resume that hinder HR to call me? I also went to some interviews, everything seemed okay, I answered question in confidence and articulate. But there were never call back. Perhaps I just sound too much excited and aggressive? One interviewer actually asked my straight-forward attitude.
Then, I went to this one airline company. Going through a series of test - simple math tests, writing copy and customer feedback letter, group discussion - just made me want that job more. I mean those tests were glimpse of what that job's about, and I like it! Passed thorough two phases and third phase was interview and Photoshop test. I thought everything ran smoothly. Then the news came in and broke my heart and soul.
That was April or May, I can say I hate my job. Waking up in the morning - 8am which is not that early - was a torture since I didnt feel like doing worthy things for the day. I didn't feel productive or my works were good enough though my boss seemed had no problem with it. I felt wasted. So when this particular one job that I like rejected me, I was badly crushed and felt like I was useless, no competent and failure..
On the same time with that airline application, I also went for interview in hotel company job. Interview went ok, mid challenging with list of unusual question the manager gave me. But generally I felt like that job was too big for me and I was not someone they looking for. So I didn't really give much thought and there was no call back anyways.
Months passed, there were still no luck with job. There was even a time where I was crying to my friend while driving in traffic because I was super stress with work I was doing. While my other friends seem like having great time with their jobs and life, I was there on the lowest time in my life, ever.
It was July, I was called for final interview in hotel company with the user this time. As usual, I felt everything went well. But I just learned to lower my expectation to not get hurt. I reread the job description - Personal Assistant to Senior Vice President - Marketing and Communication. After long wait and everything, I started to like this possible job. Every words on that job title just reflects me. I love doing someone's assistant, I was doing somewhat marketing in my then-job, and communication is just my thing. Though it seems to be like a very big job, I believe I can cope with it.
I prayed so hard, cried, begged and asked God to just give me this one, to give me light in the darkness of my life. Life just felt so tiring when I didnt have anything to grip on. In my case, it's work as I usually take pride in the things I do - school and uni. But that time, I lost control, I had nothing that I can proud of. I was ashamed and hesitant every time people ask me what I was doing. Life was totally a mess.
In my desperation prayer, it was revealed that I must lose my pride and myself in order to heal. My desperation was coming from my pride to always take control and marvel so I have something to win over other people and define myself to others - I was cumlaude, I was top three in class, etc. God wants me to lean on Him instead and take pride of His Greatness and blessings in my life instead of my accomplishment. It was very very clear that time, only if I learn to low down my head, release everything unto His hand, I will be able to have a life back.
So I started to kill my ego. I learned career is not the only thing that bring me to self-actualization point. There are still so many things in elements of happy and successful life. I look thoroughly in my life: family, friends, skills, community, anything that I have on hands at the moment. I, indeed, have a life. I, indeed, could be happy - Christ is enough to make a life, a blissful life.
Weeks after weeks and no news from that hotel company. There's voice telling me to not give up and leave one spot for hope. So I just prayed for the thing I deserve. One day, in busway, email of me accepted in that company came in. That job turns out to be the job I have today which I really love to do and am blessed to have. What came up as my desperation - office building, colleagues, work, productivity, contribution, self-development, work interest, anything related to work and I wished I had as my job - was resolved and given to me, just - like - that. I know tears to God will never be wasted.
This is one life case that I will always hold deeply in my heart. That year, 2017, my quarter life year and crisis really hit me down. It's also a turning point that I will never regret or ashamed of. It shaped me to be who I am today, cherish things I have today and really put God in the utmost place in my life that should never be replaced or substituted by anything. It taught me to hold hope and faith that God's process is beyond our understanding. It revealed if you want things so badly, God will help you to reach it.
In hindsight, I know I was pretty lame and weak. Other people might have quarter life desperation for a whole year or years. But that time, it was few month, 8 months top for me, and I felt like my world was crumbling down. Sometimes I even wished I would not get up in the morning and just go straight to heaven without worrying about job and life, lame I know
Perhaps this is the reason why I dont have the thing that I wish I had right now. Because the desperation might be worse over the things that I have them wrong rather than the thing I don't have.